well first im in a self-monitoring state right now. i dont believe in seeing a counselor or taking meds, instead i am my own therapy.

theres a lot going on in my life at the moment. going to school, going to work, worrying if i can make enough money by going to work so i can pay for school, wondering if going to school is even worth the pain and debt it puts me through, hoping i get a raise relatively soon so i wont have to starve this semester, and whether or not i have enough nachos for the next week.

my cat just walked over my belly...

there are some things that i dont want to discuss here as i believe this site is for public use and someone i know may or may not come across it. that would not only be unfortunate but also extremely embarrassing. i apologize if my typing sounds too arrogant and whatnot... i get that way when im typing, im not usually this way in real life.

the past couple of years have been lifechanging for me, starting with my senior year in high school. this was the year i found out that life had no meaning and you could cruise by with a couple friends and a minimum wage job. wow was i wrong. going into college for the first year only empowered the feeling of freedom and the fact that i didnt have to do anything to succeed. as time went on i started failing classes and losing money. it was only recently that i discovered i wasnt enjoying school but instead only attended for the social interaction and the benefit of being away from home. by that time i had already brought myself into about $20,000 in debt with student loans so i decided to finish my degree and get it over with, which is what im doing now.

apart from that there is my social life. pretty much all of my socializing is from work. i am a cashier at hannaford and ive worked there for about 2 and a hlaf years now with little to no succes in the job itself. the only reason im still there is the fact that the company is extremely flexible with work hours around school and the fact that i cant really get a job anywhere else. i love the job but its getting old, which only makes me want to find something else more, o well ill get over it.

lastly there is my personal life. i have just finished a motorcycle training course, which was a lot of fun and i look forward to riding very soon. the only problem i had with the class is that its been raining where i live for the past month or so, no joking, and the only two days i had to take this course it was sunny. which shouldnt have been a problem, what luck right? but no, i was everything but prepared for the sun to come out and i currently have raccoon eyes from the sunglasses i was wearing. on a good note, my dad surprised me when i came home to a 1984 kawasaki 550 in the garage . once its registered and inspected im gonna ride it. cant wait, my dad lives out in the middle of nowhere so theres plenty of great scenery on the trip we''re going to take. o yea, hes got a harley.

ok so thats the bulk of my current status. i will be posting in the future and i may or may not go as deep as i did tonight. either way this is a good way to keep myself "monitered" and make sure i dont go to the crazy house.